‘Oranges and lemons say the bells of St Clements’ but like it’s from the minaret of a mosque run by the hard of hearing. It’s aggressive.
I reckon you can still do it. Buying lumps of sawn hardwood is expensive, but if you start looking for what people throw away you can do it. You can find hardwood that is completely illegal to cut and sell these days if you look for mid century furniture that’s getting thrown out. Or softwoods. You’re not stupid, and you can carve if you want to.
A girl sidled up to me at college when I was About 18 and just said “you have beautiful veins”
The persistent bullshit cuntery is exhausting. This feels like a tactic, trumpian relentless attention grabbing. Fuck him.
wefwef 🫡
Martin Freeman
How can you be so bent out of shape as a human to think that fucking over kids at the Evelina is the way to spend your day, to make your daily bread.
Feels like a super power when you’re scuba diving and you see all the other divers holding their noses!
I’ve had a couple of women follow me in to public toilets and commandeer aim. I had to muster unbelievable levels of concentration to get it done. Some bit of my brain has never worked at that level before or since.
I went to a party in the top bit once. It’s just a sort of empty corridor that you can hire. Amazing views down the river.
I used to work for a general builder we all called Nick The Freak. We were in our mid twenties and having a pretty good time of things off site. I used to call up the gaffer and say “Nick man, I can’t make it to the job today, I feel like shit” and he would say- yea Squeezer, Mars is in alignment with Saturn this week. Understandable. I’ve never appreciated bullshit so much.
We were standing in the pub, and I’d just bought a round. I gave my mate a fresh pint, and like a complete piss head he let it slip through his fingers. It landed on the floor between us with a thunk, not a single drop spilled. It just nailed the landing, completely solid. Fucking witchcraft.
“Deny thy counter and refuse thy knife”
O cutting board, cutting board, wherefore art thou cutting board?
This reminds me of when we found we could bulk buy ephedrine over the counter from chemists in sub saharan Africa and go to uninhabited islands off the coast and get messed up. Happy days.
That chicken is just so… testicular
1 & 2 - as CEO of The Happy Oyster company and Gravel Unlimited lI’m absolutely smashing it financially, even with the terminal lamentations of a million misled oysters in my ears.
Imagine thinking that you’re tougher than context.