Yeah it seems ridiculous this isnt the standard way to do online dating. Many people dont want a trans partner, and many people only want a trans partner. Not being clear and upfront about these things only causes future heartbreak and rejection issues.
I don’t think it’s really that simple from many trans peoples’ perspective, as it places an obligation on them to out themselves before they even talk to a person. Many trans people’s goal with transition is not to live as “trans” it’s to live as their target gender, not some “other”. Being trans is not a sexuality.
A better solution would be to have people who don’t want to have the possibility of ever dating any trans person put that as part of their profile.
If people have an issue with doing that then it kind of reveals the truth of the issue for what it is.
I dont think suggesting transphobia when it comes to sexual preferences is appropriate, people can’t choose those any more than they can choose to be black or white. There are also simple biological facts, perhaps a person wishes to have biological children with their partner. Or any other reason really, romantic preferences are entirely subjective and often not even a conscious preference.
That being said, i think a good compromise would be for people to be able to give these kinds of personal preferences to the dating site, similar to the age ranges they want to encounter. Then the system would automatically prevent incompatible preferences from getting matched, and nobody has to out themselves.
Perhaps they were not suggesting deep end transphobia (hate) but just low end aversion? You should have the right to not date a trans person, or a different color person, but we could ask would it be better if none of us cared about that?
If we look for the source of people’s choices one may find the answer to also be biology, with the rest of enviroment. The conventional wisdom to blame people for their choices is not supported by evidence. Even the most evil people in history didn’t choose to have a psychopathic personality, or choose their bad parents, or their hateful beliefs.
Your second paragraph is just the point I am trying to make no? People can’t choose who they love or are attracted (or not attracted) to.
So I am uncomfortable with the suggestion that any cis person who doesnt want to date a trans person should set up a disclaimer on their profile, with the afterthought insinuating that they shouldn’t have an issue with that unless they are secretly transphobic, or trans averse as you put it.
Personally I (as a straight cis dude) am very supportive of equal rights for non straight people, and think they are a beautiful facet of mankind. I would be fully supporting most of their causes, but that doesnt mean I am suddenly attracted to, broadly speaking, not cis women. I can’t change that, or make an exception for someone, that’s simply not how I was wired. Would you consider that trans averse? Honest question.
I’m bi and would date trans people so it’s difficult to relate. I wouldn’t write “only interested in (for example) white people” on a profile because it may imply racism, even though there may be no hate and the intention would be to just save both people’s time.
I use the word aversion to make a distinction between other people who hate. Someone who feels sick seeing a same-sex kiss is having an aversion to homosexuality but that doesn’t mean they hate, or want to kill and could be an ally in all ways. So yes, I would say not wanting to date trans people falls into a category of aversion by my definition, but that’s my brain trying to sort things. I don’t mean anything bad by it.
Yeah it seems ridiculous this isnt the standard way to do online dating. Many people dont want a trans partner, and many people only want a trans partner. Not being clear and upfront about these things only causes future heartbreak and rejection issues.
I don’t think it’s really that simple from many trans peoples’ perspective, as it places an obligation on them to out themselves before they even talk to a person. Many trans people’s goal with transition is not to live as “trans” it’s to live as their target gender, not some “other”. Being trans is not a sexuality.
A better solution would be to have people who don’t want to have the possibility of ever dating any trans person put that as part of their profile.
If people have an issue with doing that then it kind of reveals the truth of the issue for what it is.
I dont think suggesting transphobia when it comes to sexual preferences is appropriate, people can’t choose those any more than they can choose to be black or white. There are also simple biological facts, perhaps a person wishes to have biological children with their partner. Or any other reason really, romantic preferences are entirely subjective and often not even a conscious preference.
That being said, i think a good compromise would be for people to be able to give these kinds of personal preferences to the dating site, similar to the age ranges they want to encounter. Then the system would automatically prevent incompatible preferences from getting matched, and nobody has to out themselves.
Perhaps they were not suggesting deep end transphobia (hate) but just low end aversion? You should have the right to not date a trans person, or a different color person, but we could ask would it be better if none of us cared about that?
If we look for the source of people’s choices one may find the answer to also be biology, with the rest of enviroment. The conventional wisdom to blame people for their choices is not supported by evidence. Even the most evil people in history didn’t choose to have a psychopathic personality, or choose their bad parents, or their hateful beliefs.
Your second paragraph is just the point I am trying to make no? People can’t choose who they love or are attracted (or not attracted) to.
So I am uncomfortable with the suggestion that any cis person who doesnt want to date a trans person should set up a disclaimer on their profile, with the afterthought insinuating that they shouldn’t have an issue with that unless they are secretly transphobic, or trans averse as you put it.
Personally I (as a straight cis dude) am very supportive of equal rights for non straight people, and think they are a beautiful facet of mankind. I would be fully supporting most of their causes, but that doesnt mean I am suddenly attracted to, broadly speaking, not cis women. I can’t change that, or make an exception for someone, that’s simply not how I was wired. Would you consider that trans averse? Honest question.
I’m bi and would date trans people so it’s difficult to relate. I wouldn’t write “only interested in (for example) white people” on a profile because it may imply racism, even though there may be no hate and the intention would be to just save both people’s time.
I use the word aversion to make a distinction between other people who hate. Someone who feels sick seeing a same-sex kiss is having an aversion to homosexuality but that doesn’t mean they hate, or want to kill and could be an ally in all ways. So yes, I would say not wanting to date trans people falls into a category of aversion by my definition, but that’s my brain trying to sort things. I don’t mean anything bad by it.
Almost like instead of relying on faulty AI predictions, they can just include that as a bio and search option. No bullshit AI necessary.