Or sometimes they already have a good life (house, kid, spouse, dogs, x2 cars and stable support) and instead they decide to burn it all down in favor of a two-week crack bender. She drained our bank account, caught a DV charge and we are now divorced, thank fuck.
Equal parts narcissism, bad company, deteriorating mental health and poor decisions. I had a whole thing typed up, but I’ve aired this shitshow elsewhere before. The short version is she has been a problem at every job she ever held, so she opened her own bakery and proceeded to drive it into the ground within about six months. She hung out with some shady people who did shady things, and got wrapped up in her own wants and desires. She eventually walked out (after hitting me on camera) when I wouldn’t give her my car so she could go “work” (i.e. swing by her crack dealer’s place). She stayed away voluntarily for about a week or two before I found out about the crack usage; after that I told her she couldn’t come back and filed a police report for the domestic battery in order to protect myself and our son from her. Took me a while to admit to myself that I was stuck in an abusive relationship for 15+ years.
I promise, you can do this if you really want it. It’s not as easy as that but it is possible. 14 years free of the needle as of last week. Please do not hesitate to reach out if you need support or help finding treatment.
that’s the problem with addiction though isn’t it? if I had a nickel for every time I heard “well if you really wanted to”… then I could probably afford my addiction.
but all things aside. I’ve gone to treatment. been there done that. I just don’t believe in the 12 steps made up by some religious nutjob. might as wel start going to church.
gotta start believing in yourself and that’s the real hurdle
There’s no magic outside force that is going to cure you. There is no cure, only recognizing the problem. The only thing that can change your life is you. You have to dig down deep in yourself, and really, really want to change, and find out what is making you so miserable you have to be high to be happy.
I know it sounds trite, and like some flyer from some AA meeting, but it’s the truth. You have to dig deep, and find out what is driving the need. Best of luck, my friend. I’m in the same boat, and I’ve failed. But I’m closer in my wisdom, more aware of the triggers and trauma. Don’t give up, and don’t give in, even if you relapse. It’s not a competition, where you win or lose. It’s a journey.
I’m happy to say I’m in a much better place, more stable with the brightest outlook I’ve had on life in years. Getting divorced from her and her bad choices has sent my life in an upward trajectory. My only lament is that she is a pitiful mother to our son, who deserves so much more than she can offer him.
yeh that’s a tough one through no fault of yours or your son’s.
only thing you can do is try to get full custody and double down on the love and positive upbringing your kid deserves
I’m sorry that happened to you, that sucks. People in that situation are suffering, and sometimes, they make others suffer too. Hopefully you’ll be OK, and I know you don’t want to hear this, but hopefully in time, she will too.
Well, you can have all the things you listed as being part of a ‘good life’ and still be in an awful relationship, or have problems that need dealing with. I’m not sure I’d brag quite like that about abandoning someone in a mental health crisis. Its at least sad isnt it?
Like I said, its at least sad on some level. Sad things couldn’t work out, sad that she couldn’t manage to fix her problems before her loved ones had enough, sad for any kids involved.
You can be justified in leaving and it still be sad. We can have compassion for those that we feel have wronged us, and oftentimes over time perspectives change.
Sorry to be so negative there though, not really my intention.
I’m glad you found strength to break such an important relationship when it was too much. What’s the airplane thing? Put on your mask before you help anyone else.
Or sometimes they already have a good life (house, kid, spouse, dogs, x2 cars and stable support) and instead they decide to burn it all down in favor of a two-week crack bender. She drained our bank account, caught a DV charge and we are now divorced, thank fuck.
Hey man. I am really sorry for you. Was there any indication to why the substance abuse started?
Equal parts narcissism, bad company, deteriorating mental health and poor decisions. I had a whole thing typed up, but I’ve aired this shitshow elsewhere before. The short version is she has been a problem at every job she ever held, so she opened her own bakery and proceeded to drive it into the ground within about six months. She hung out with some shady people who did shady things, and got wrapped up in her own wants and desires. She eventually walked out (after hitting me on camera) when I wouldn’t give her my car so she could go “work” (i.e. swing by her crack dealer’s place). She stayed away voluntarily for about a week or two before I found out about the crack usage; after that I told her she couldn’t come back and filed a police report for the domestic battery in order to protect myself and our son from her. Took me a while to admit to myself that I was stuck in an abusive relationship for 15+ years.
damn… here I am burning my own world down but at least I’m not taking anybody with me.
sry you had to go through all that. hang in there
I promise, you can do this if you really want it. It’s not as easy as that but it is possible. 14 years free of the needle as of last week. Please do not hesitate to reach out if you need support or help finding treatment.
that’s the problem with addiction though isn’t it? if I had a nickel for every time I heard “well if you really wanted to”… then I could probably afford my addiction.
but all things aside. I’ve gone to treatment. been there done that. I just don’t believe in the 12 steps made up by some religious nutjob. might as wel start going to church.
gotta start believing in yourself and that’s the real hurdle
There’s no magic outside force that is going to cure you. There is no cure, only recognizing the problem. The only thing that can change your life is you. You have to dig down deep in yourself, and really, really want to change, and find out what is making you so miserable you have to be high to be happy.
I know it sounds trite, and like some flyer from some AA meeting, but it’s the truth. You have to dig deep, and find out what is driving the need. Best of luck, my friend. I’m in the same boat, and I’ve failed. But I’m closer in my wisdom, more aware of the triggers and trauma. Don’t give up, and don’t give in, even if you relapse. It’s not a competition, where you win or lose. It’s a journey.
I’m happy to say I’m in a much better place, more stable with the brightest outlook I’ve had on life in years. Getting divorced from her and her bad choices has sent my life in an upward trajectory. My only lament is that she is a pitiful mother to our son, who deserves so much more than she can offer him.
yeh that’s a tough one through no fault of yours or your son’s.
only thing you can do is try to get full custody and double down on the love and positive upbringing your kid deserves
Thanks for sharing. Hope you and your son are in a better situation now.
I’m sorry that happened to you, that sucks. People in that situation are suffering, and sometimes, they make others suffer too. Hopefully you’ll be OK, and I know you don’t want to hear this, but hopefully in time, she will too.
Well, you can have all the things you listed as being part of a ‘good life’ and still be in an awful relationship, or have problems that need dealing with. I’m not sure I’d brag quite like that about abandoning someone in a mental health crisis. Its at least sad isnt it?
Nah. Gotta draw the line somewhere.
Like I said, its at least sad on some level. Sad things couldn’t work out, sad that she couldn’t manage to fix her problems before her loved ones had enough, sad for any kids involved.
You can be justified in leaving and it still be sad. We can have compassion for those that we feel have wronged us, and oftentimes over time perspectives change.
Oh, for sure. It is very sad.
Sorry to be so negative there though, not really my intention.
I’m glad you found strength to break such an important relationship when it was too much. What’s the airplane thing? Put on your mask before you help anyone else.
Anyways hope things have improved in your life.
Uh, I’m not OP.
She abused me for 15+ years. I feel no sympathy for her.