What’s the only reason the pyramids are still in Egypt? They’re too big to fit in the British museum.

At least the current vw CEO isn’t openly a Nazi and they make good cars; unlike muskrat and his swasticars.

You don’t seem to be getting anything positive out of interacting with your family, if you’re not financially dependent on them I would cut bait and live my best life. The text from your aunt is such passive aggressive bullshit, on her naughty list? Fuck outta here.

Probably because it’s hot garbage and people can play call of duty instead.

Hopefully he has a massive stroke.

Was the other person hanging upside down in a red and blue spandex costume?

It took me 2 solid hours to find a work around to get my parent’s speaker working again. Thanks Sonos!

I’m picturing a pack of elementary aged kids armed with crowbars derailing a full on Amtrak train.

What kind of battery life does it get? One of the mains draws for sticking with Fitbit for me was only having to charge once a week or so.

He would be stringy and flavorless.

I’m tragically white so I’ve never sunbathed, but I very rarely need sunscreen on my legs at all.

First one is pretty decent from what I remember. Didn’t even know it got a sequel.

I like to think of Jesus with like giant eagles wings and singing lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd with like an Angel Band, and I’m in the front row, and I’m hammered drunk.

This one bums me out because Chad Smith is a great drummer and seems like such a a good dude.

Womp womp.

What are your feelings on the racist lunatic running the company?

Calling it person milk is technically correct but boy oh boy does it make me uncomfortable.

And this misadventure takes place on arrakis?

There’s plenty; they’re just not for the end user.

Surprised there’s any rope left for them to burn.