Old “your momma” joke… Your momma so fat when she sits around the house, she sits “around” the house! Meaning that she’s as big as the whole house or even bigger than the house.

Which someone that fat is morbidly obese.

So the joke is a twist on the joke, with a jab at the fat person, in the form of faux concern over their health.

Sort of in the same vein as “bless your heart” or “he/she has a great personality”.

It’s a stab at fat… I can’t help but feel targeted but I’ll have to wait until the stabbing pain in my chest subsides. The shooting pain down my left arm is lessening already! I’m fine, everything’s fine… just let me catch my breath for a moment.

Hungry?

Having been abducted by aliens myself and having sired offspring, I believe that this would be a good match! We shall vanquish our foes.

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My fitness is questionable, but my knowledge is vast. I’ll team up and be ok.

It’s high time we take control of all these wild oaks out there. Every single one has thousands of acorns any any one of those might have YOUR name on it.

We need action NOW!

We need immediate Oak controls laws. And I damn sure don’t want to hear any of that stale old BS “my oak hasn’t ever harmed anyone”…

Oaks have no place in polite society. End of discussion. Get educated!

BTW that’s all satire. I love oaks. Actually my first knothole was an oak. I love oaks.

For many years I was getting maybe 2 hours sleep a night. The slightest sound would wake me up and then I’d lay there trying to get back to sleep. Which spiraled into me getting up to pee 3 or 4 times a night. I read about Valerian root being great for helping fall asleep so I tried it with little hope. 2 capsules half an hour before bed. I nodded off easily and woke up a few hours later. 3 straight hours of sleep was unheard-of for me.

Then I added a couple 25mg Benadryl to help me stay asleep or go right back to sleep if something woke me up… like my bladder that was now completely trained to need emptying every one and a half to two hours.

Just prior to Covid I got a cpap. It took me a week before I slept thru the night. Happened again the next week… then a couple nights a week. A few years using my cpap and now most nights I sleep right thru or if I do wake up I can nod right back off. I still use the Valerian root and Benadryl every night but neither of those build up a tolerance.

Word of warning: Actually 2… you will not get “high” on Valerian root and the dreams you have will be in ultra high Def technicolor Sid and Marty Kroft bizarre fun dreams. Actually 3… the Valerian root smells bad. As in 6 week old gym socks marinated in the trunk of your Chevelle during the summer mixed with dog shit. But they help and you only smell it for a second before swallowing.

I also added a sleep eye mask with Bluetooth headphones built in and I listen to positive affirmations blended with mild rain sounds.

So… pills, cpap, headphones mask.

So do 83.7476 children.

Side note fake fact: most kids in Africa don’t have names because they won’t live long enough to need one.

Before she was devirginated?

(using secretive slightly agitated conspiracy voice) That’s how they getcha man… Cocaine in the water man… it’s in there on purpose… they get you hooked on the coke and to get it you keep drinking the water to get mooooore! EVERYONE THAT EVER DRANK WATER HAS DIED AT SOME POINT??? (walks away mumbling about tin foil hats and mind control)

I live in an area with a lot of paved bike trails… made specifically for bikes, walkers, and joggers to have a SAFE place away for automobile traffic to enjoy their outdoor activity. Also there are bike lanes along side many main roads. The issue is the asshole that isn’t using the provided bike lane and intentionally blocking the main automobile lane while weaving unpredictably thereby making it unsafe to pass.

Driving down the road and a farmer on a tractor pulls out with a trailer loaded down with hay going 5 mph… that’s an annoyance but he’s got work to do and NEEDS to get where he’s going… sucks to be caught behind him but whatever he’s gonna get off the road eventually.

An asshole on a bike unnecessarily whipping over in front of a line of cars for no reason other than to be an asshole… that’s not acceptable behavior that’s a self important entitled asshole. Blocking traffic for LOLs is a dangerous game to play.

That’s where the problem lies… in that particular area the bike lane is plenty wide enough for two bikes to ride side by side and the main roadway, in both directions, is plenty wide enough to not crowd the bike lane. No reason whatsoever for her to move out of the unencumbered bike lane and block the automobile lane which forced everyone attempting to overtake into the oncoming lane. It WASN’T a no passing double line so it was a safe place to take the oncoming traffic lane if it is empty of traffic. She was clearly playing stupid games. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes or fuck around and find out both apply and if she keeps up with that type of action then most certainly some day she will find out what winning a prize is all about. Of course the automobile driver will be the one at fault for driving in the main traffic lane and not avoiding the asshole on a bike.

Bicycle.

Yesterday while driving on a two lane road with a bike lane there were two people on bikes. What appeared to be a man and a woman in full brightly colored garb and helmets. Both were weaving in the bike lane and/or riding on the dividing line between the bike lane and the road. At one point, as a few cars were approaching them from behind, one of them whips over into the center of the road for no reason other than to block traffic thereby forcing the overtaking cars into the oncoming traffic lane. There was no obstruction on the bike lane. The other rider proceeded with weaving about unpredictably. She simply couldn’t stand the idea of someone safely passing them and forced an unsafe condition for everyone involved…

Can’t Understand Normal Thinking.

I pray that every bike she every rides has a slow leak in both tires no matter how often it is patched or replaced. The more time she spends off the road pumping up the tires, the less time she is endangering herself and others.

Rarely is someone on a bicycle and not an asshole!

Get the blonde and brunette versions… the red head is crazy!