May everything you drink taste like ass, and that ass was filled with dead gerbils that died due to dysentery and that dysentery was caused by ingesting the asses of other dead gerbils.

If you’re not using the McDonalds app to get cheaper and sometimes free food, you’re doing it wrong.

I mean…North Dakota is South Dakota’s North Korea after all.

Ah, a “nabbin’ van”

I used to have an in-ground pool at my home when I lived in Oklahoma. I would float on a pool noodle and sipping beer while listening to reggae. I was in my happy place. I miss having a pool.

Does MTG know that it’s missing from her house yet?

It’s not funny but it is a literal shit post

As someone with one leg 6mm shorter than the other and has had a history of knee/back problems: I wear indoor only crocs w’ foam insole in one croc. You don’t realize how much going barefoot or just socks in your home hurts your feet, knees, or back over time. Crocs have the perfect amount of cushion for me to no longer have constant feet and joint pain. I use Skechers slip-ins for quick outdoor things. I go back and forth between the two as needed without hassle.

Did your peen spaghettify as it thrust it’s way past the event horizon of my mom’s singularity?

And this is why you don’t put a Dunkin Donuts in a strip mall that shares plumbing with a Taco Bell.

I imagine that if you look up the estimated temp for the Earth’s Mantle, you’ll be pretty close to what the average temp is.

Just the tip

I once had a friend that preferred dating French horn players. She liked the way they hold her.

As a trumpet player, this meme is hilarious. As a woodwind player, my wife sees this meme and says that it doesn’t matter, the trombone is always too fucking loud sitting right behind her.

The perfect question for this community. Completely appropriate and sure to make most people’s head hurt to read it. This ranks up there with questions like “Does 2+2=5?” and “What color?”

At the start of the five-head.

Now read this in your head as Norm Macdonald doing SNL Weekend Update.