Nuh-uh! Americans can’t be terrorists cuz Americans kill the terrorist, like Malcolm X and Jamal Khashoggi… Wait, are we the bad guys?

Ah yes, the super-informative anecdotal sample size of…
*checks notes*
… one.

*checks notes again*
Eh, an unreliable source at that

Fantastic username, Ace

Stop it!

Okay, now do it some more…

I don’t care how they’re picked, you generally shouldn’t feed peppers and spices that you’d use in chili. And never onions, garlic, or grapes regardless of the intended application.

These rules come from the same people who put a slice of cheese on apple pie. “It adds a savory quality to all the sweetness.” Fuck off, it adds the taste of cheese to apple pie. People also like mint and chocolate, maybe you should eat some M&Ms coated in Vicks vaporub

Chili is steaming dog food with too many spices and onions for dogs to eat. If you think your chili tastes better with beans or even cinnamon, then get down with your bad self. Anyone who tells you otherwise is welcome to not eat your chili.

“Syrup doesn’t belong on waffles/french toast”
“Cookies shouldn’t have raisins”
“You shouldn’t put butter on your tortillas”
Fuck all y’all, I’mma eat my food how it tastes good and you can maybe chime in once you got a show on the food network

^I’m a Texan who will eat your chili with or without beans and I approve this message^

I fucking love you. Thanks for giving me a nice laugh before turning in for the night.

About fucking time. What’s the point in having friends if you can’t drunkenly jump from their moving car in the middle of Death Valley during a heatwave? YOLO!

Edit: Apparently the ridiculous scenario and “YOLO” weren’t enough to indicate that this was sarcasm…

Is that actual filly cheese and filly steak?

“Temporarily closed”

I’m sorry, friend. You didn’t deserve to be called that…

They can hold it just fine, but their aim and dexterity is shit. Fuckin’ no-opposable-thumb-having muppets.

Piss trickling down on us would be an improvement

“Sure, I knew that voting for Trump meant more and worse genocides including on American soil, but I expected it from him. Seeing a genocide under Kamala Harris’s tenure as not-president made me worry she wouldn’t actually help once she became president. And then I’d be disappointed. Why would I want to possibly be disappointed when I can instead experience horrors that meet expectations?”

- Probably a couple million people who shot their foot with their own cut-off nose as ammunition

"Sorry I missed the meeting that should have been an email, the military fucked up my alarms. Anyway, just send me an email with the tldr. "

Do it. I fucking dare you. It’ll be fun to watch a media powerhouse and a douche meth lab burn each other down.

Demon wranglers

I don’t see what’s so difficult to understand. If you can’t retire at 60, try again at 90. At 120, you really should consider an alternative. If you have to wait until 150, retirement will likely be a lower-priority issue. \s

I wrote this quickly while going on the toilet. Just thought I’d share.

$7K a year ago

All of my dogs have loved our current vet. I’ve tried a couple other vets that were closer to me at different times, and my current vet is the only one that our dogs have been excited to visit in the 20 years since we met her.