I didn’t mean for this post to cause a bunch of arguing in the comments =(

I thought this was just some gallows humor (e.g. “Everything’s lovely except that I have to fear for my safety all the time”) type of shitpost that sounded similar to comments I’ve heard from women irl a lot.

  • 2ugly2live@lemmy.world
    1·
    8 hours ago

    I guess my issue is why the discomfort of some men is what dominated the conversation (in this instance). Men are also victims of murder, more so than women. But this thread went right into, “You’re making us feel attacked.” This wasn’t about them in this capacity. The energy wasn’t, "I wonder why that is, or, “me too” or even, “lol, hyperbole.” It’s like, “Me too” versus “what about me” energy.

    One of the highest posts (at the time of replying) is a damn near essay about how it’s worse for men when the post isn’t even denying that in the first place. Like, I don’t even disagree with it, but why are “you” on the defensive? If we’re on the same side, and both genders don’t want to be murdered, why did “You” come in with that energy? I could understand if they said “me too” and were hit with an essay in return, or silenced. But they weren’t (not that they should have been). Men didn’t join this conversation/thread and expand on the experience, they took it over and completely changed topic because (some of) their hurt feelings were more pressing than the concerns being referenced to. This meme didn’t even pick women out as the sole victim, and they still came in ready to yell over the hypothetical female victim of this hypothetical night crime.

    Their feelings being hurt outweighed any truth behind that meme. Their feelings outweighed concerns for their own safety. Their feelings outweighed any woman who did feel like that post was relatable, who could have shared tips or suggestions. If someone did that now, they would have to “prove” their point before they could address it, or that they’re not trying to say they hate xyz, they’re just trying to give tips, etc.,etc.

    This is not to say those mens’ feelings do not matter, nor that they should not be addressed in how we talk about violence, this is to say that this wasn’t about them, feelings or otherwise. It was about people, of any gender, who like going out at night, but sometimes get spooked. It was making a joke at how some activities aren’t always safe, and that sucks. If they saw themselves on the same side, I don’t know why they made it “male victim” VS “female victim” in the first place.

    (Sorry that this is long as hell. I’m a rambler.)

    • starelfsc2@sh.itjust.works
      2·
      1 hour ago

      Tl;dr. (jk)

      I guess it’s like, I know this post wasn’t aimed at me but even still reading the words “men love to murder” I’m like “hey what? What did I do??”

      I didn’t comment on it because it doesn’t bother me that much, but you’re asking why people who are upset and angry make the conversation about them… I think there’s your answer. They probably don’t even fully understand why they’re angry and just wrote what sounded good to them. I’d wager the majority of guys on lemmy are not neurotypical and already experience people treating them poorly, or thought they were scary because they’re weird, and now they’re being grouped with dangerous people. I know that’s not what the post meant, but again it’s the overweight person being sensitive, they’re not choosing to get upset over it that’s just how they reacted.

      semi-related, there is a psychiatrist who made a youtube channel called healthygamergg where he would talk about psychology topics and set up coaching for people to improve their lives. I’m in to psychology so I watched quite a few of his videos, but to the point his community had said “you need to address how women are treated in gaming.” (obviously terribly)

      So he made a video talking about how women had it hard and that you can’t exist as a woman in a game without being heckled. 100% on board. Then he said “like, women have it so much harder, you guys are living on easy mode.” and I haven’t watched a video of his since if was so hurtful. I know that’s not what he meant, I know he just meant women have a lot of unique struggles men don’t have etc, but to hear the stuff me and my friends went through being called easy mode was… really hurtful. Point being sometimes people have sore spots, and even if they should read it one way, I can’t blame them for reading it another.