Her not wanting to frick doesnt mean she doesn’t want to se you getting fricked.
What the fuck did you just say
Aces can be into kink. There’s things like ace BSDM communities /shrug.
Asexual BDSM is just consentual torture lol
i have a couple of ace friends into BDSM, i myself am somewhere on the ace spectrum. And i can tell you that BDSM can be enjoyed without sex or pain, power dynamics is where the best sauce is at
I’ll need that explained more if you don’t mind.
I thought the whole point of asexual was you’re just not interested in sex or anything relevant to that?
Asexual ≠ Not Liking Sex
Asexual = Not Feeling Sexual Attraction
The way I usually describe it as an asexual guy is that there’s basically noone I find hot. That doesn’t mean they’re the opposite. It just like a sense I lack or a color I can’t see. I just don’t feel sexual attraction. But I do still like people based on other types of attraction and sex is still fun. For me platonic attraction is the main criteria for sexual partners. It’s just a fun activity between close friends like watching a movie or playing a board game.
That’s not to say that there aren’t asexual people who don’t like sex because those people do exist, but how much a person likes sex is on the sex repulsion to sex favorable axis and is only tangentally related to asexuality.
This is really helpful thank you
Could you elaborate further on platonic attraction? The internet says a platonic relationship is a relationship without romance or sex. This seems to contradict with it being a criteria for sexual partners for you but maybe I’m confusing things
If you label a relationship as platonic, that usually serves to make it explicit that there’s no romance or sex going on, yes.
When talking about attraction though, we’re in the context of the split attraction model (look that up if you’re interested), and there, platonic attraction is treated not as the opposite of sexual attraction, but as its own axis for basically saying “how much do I want this person to be my friend”, without saying anything about how much you’re sexually attracted to the person.
If you want to properly reconcile the terms, think about it like this - a sexual/romantic relationship is one where the sexual/romantic attraction between the partners is the strongest force, whereas a platonic relationship is one where their platonic attraction is the strongest force.
I personally actually have a hard time seeing platonic and romantic attraction as separate axes, for me, romantic attraction just feels like an extension, a stronger form of platonic attraction.
I guess that explains it, thank you.
for me, romantic attraction just feels like an extension, a stronger form of platonic attraction
Oh yes I’m completely with you on that one, i think… but then I also feel like for me personally sexual attraction is an extension of romantic attraction. It’s all about how you interpret your feelings I guess…
BDSM is much less about sex and much more about the power dynamic. Kinks are, by definition, having sexual arousal from non genital things. So while asexuals might not be interested in fuckin or getting fucked, other things might cause arousal.
Lots of kinky stuff isn’t sex.
Ace is about sexual attraction, not interest in sex. You can be ace and love sex and you can be allo and be sex repulsed.
So, technically speaking, an ace individual cannot find someone sexy? They can have sex with someone for the sake of having sex, be it for bond or pleasure or whatnot, but from what you’re saying they do not show any sexual attraction towards any demographic of people?
Basically.
There are grey-aces (whom are still aces; black-stripe ace sometimes is used to refer to those with no sexual attraction) whom experience some sexual attraction some of the time.
But there’s a lot of aces who are surprised to realize sexual attraction is something people actually experience.
Can I be a grey heterosexual if I only fuck guys some of the time?
Bro this makes 0 sense
I’m queer and fully agree
My sexual preference Is “no” and I have to say that instead of asexual because sexual people have decided that the prefix “a” in front of the word “sexual” does not mean “not sexual”.
What used to be safe spaces for people whose sexual preference is “no” are now filled with people whose sexual preference is “yes, but I don’t feel horny by looking at people”.
And if anyone dare speaks up they get bullied, called acephobic, and told to just accept asexual people are sexual too and how dare we say please use a different label for that.
I am far from the only one who’s noticed this. It also leads to things like romantic asexuals (people who want a romantic relationship just without sex) having a harder time than they already did because people are learning “Oh your ace? But you’ll have sex for ME, right?”
Why can’t aces be both? The “sexual” in sexual orientations has always referred to attraction. Sex repulsed aces are like victim-playing US Christians in most of the interactions I see. They bully and make fun of anyone who has sex and then play the victim when asked to not insult others.
Why does it have to be both?
Why do other orientations get to be easy to understand, but the ones that just want to say ‘no’ absolutely must be comfortable in the same label as yet another ’yes’?
What is wrong with having graysexuality and asexuality be as separate as homosexuality and heterosexuality?
Why do people want to force others to be comfortable with what they’re not comfortable with?
Why is it so important to dismiss and erase people who just don’t have a sexuality that it’s acceptable to take over their one safe word and sexualize it?
I genuinely find antisex spaces more welcoming than asexual spaces and I hate that. Because people born without sexuality often don’t care about other people having sex. It’s normal, it’s natural, it’s fine, it’s just not our thing. So why do people insist on sexual themes in a community started to be safe for those who are just born not sexual?
Many of us already feel broken when we don’t get horny as teens. Yes, we’re freaks. We’re weirdos. We’re biological failures.
We create a space to feel not broken. To vent among others born the same. So why take that away? Why take away the one safe term for people who already struggle with feeling like something is wrong with them by coming in and saying that people who DO like sex are the same label and the ones who don’t want sex at all are outsiders among outsiders?
It hurts. It genuinely hurts to finally find others like you, to then be told that no, you’re still a weird broken minority even in this supposedly “fitting” label.
Why is it so important to have a special label that it’s worth hurting the people it was made for to make sure more people can claim it?
I always feel a bit confused by the name, and wonder whether it will eventually see itself focused or broadened further. Sexuality is a spectrum, but “asexual” doesn’t seem, overtly, to include sexual desire given its literal meaning. I do love the names of the sub-identities associated with it, though. Each one’s intention and definition feels apparent and up to date.
Sexualities generally refer to sexual attraction. Homosexuals are sexually attracted to people have the same gender, not to repeating the same sex acts over and over and heterosexuality is about attraction to people with different genders, not to novelty sex acts. Pansexual does not mean attraction to pans not to literally everyone or everything. Taking the words too literally is not really useful.
The differentiation of the ace/allo axis and the sex-favorable/sex-repulsed axis is particularly useful for aces, but it still has its use for allos as well (some people who have PTSD related to sexual activity may be sex repulsed, but can still experience sexual attraction). Lots of reasons to engage in and enjoy sex other than attraction to a specific person. Even allos often engage in sex with those whom they aren’t attracted to.
The major ace subreddits regularly had issues with sex-favorable people complaining about all the posts being sex-negative and sex-repulsed people (sometime simultaneously) complaining about too much sex-positive content. Would be more amusing if those types of posts didn’t waste so much space…
one of my exes was a sex repulsed allo and unfortunately that was part of why we broke up
No sex in a relationship kills the relationship.
BDSM != sex, even if the two are heavily connected in a lot of people’s minds. I’ve played with both tops and bottoms that were ace/het/LGBT, and there was not anything sexual there. Hell, one of my fave experiences was bottoming for a lesbian top who enjoyed beating on dudes.
BDSM is not inherently sexual, even if there can be a lot of sexuality involved.
am lesbian who enjoys beating on dudes (impact play w/ anyone tbh)
shoutout to kinky guys who bottom for domme lezzies but still respect their sexuality :]
10000%
I love getting beat by confident women (presenting people), and never expect anything more than that. Being somewhat demi helps a lot with that aspect, but it’s just basic respect for an ephemeral play partner in my mind.
She’s cucking anon hard…
Hate to see it.
She still is? Being in to link has nothing to do with being ace. She may not have sexual desire or want sexual contact (which are VERY different things) is entirely seperate from the dynamics of a kink relationship.
Anon probably isn’t being malicious, but is definitely uniformed.
but is definitely uniformed.
Heh
This made me question my sanity for a moment. Apparently I was uninformed about how to spell uninformed.
Claiming you are someone who doesnt feel sexual attraction and then asking someone to perform fetish activities is actually a very confusing thing for most people. He would be uninformed because its a very obscure situation to be in in the real world.
Yeah, as a kinky asexual myself, it seems like she hasn’t been very open in communicating her relationship to kink. Especially when your partner is allosexual, it’s so important to explain why you like to participate in kinky activities as an asexual and where your boundaries begin and end.
For allosexual people, sex and kinks have a venn diagram that’s basically a circle, and failing to communicate the extent of your interest in kinks as an asexual is just setting the entire relationship up to fail because you’re inevitably going to have mismatching expectations from kink play unless you make sure you’re both on the same page before you start.
His confusion is completely understandable, as is her identity as a kinky asexual. They just need to talk to each other.
Honestly not even. I’m in a power exchange relationship and yes I find my mistress attractive, but our dynamic is to a scene what marriage is to sex. Yes there’s an implication we do it and all four are connected to us, but also I’m not getting off on being told to get her coffee when I want to stay in bed.
Wait, so you are the lezbian, but you aren’t the captain!?
She’s my admiral
She’s asexual and forcing anon to be asexual in a different way.
All my homies love their chastity cages. Sure you need to lean a little to piss out of them, but aside from that there’s nothing weird about it.
Sure you need to lean a little to piss out of them
Fucking hell I hadn’t even thought of that. I wonder if they have that PFFFFTTTTPTTTTT noise some women have
Isn’t an asexual girlfriend just a friend?
bro can’t imagine romance without sex
In fairness I think aromantic and asexual get confused a lot
If you think romantic relationships are just sex+friendship then you’re probably shit at romantic relationships.
Why? I honestly don’t get it. I want my partner to be my best friend, but I don’t think about my other friends sexually even if I do love them like family.I don’t want kids so I don’t think about partners in that respect. I do want them to be my last relationship though.Edit: I’ll leave it, but I just continued to read the comments and found an answer I understand and agree with. I just never put enough thought into it I suppose.
I mean, I’m asexual and intensely sex-repulsed, and my wife is asexual too, and I am madly in love with her even after being married for eight years.
It’s romance and friendship; she’s my best friend and wife. I’ll kiss her, hold her hand, rub her back and feet, buy snacks for her, loads of stuff I wouldn’t do with my friends.
I mean, I bought a house with her. I wouldn’t do that with just anybody.
Asexual != Aromantic
No. Imagine two Catholics are dating and don’t want to have sex before marriage - are they just friends? There’s a lot more to romance than just sex, and I feel sorry for the partner of anyone who doesn’t realise this
Like it or not, sexual compatibility and intimacy is very important to a lot of people, and a lot of partners. There is more to a romantic relationship than sex, this is very true. However, downplaying the importance of a key component of a love language does no one any favors.
They aren’t downplaying its importance, they are saying that for some people, sex in a romantic relationship isn’t necessary. This doesn’t go for most people and most people do need it in a relationship but everyone’s experience is different
Lol you can fuck girls who aren’t your girlfriend
