Scrolling.
Lemmy just doesn’t provide that perfect itch that Reddit provided. It’s definitely better here, but damn, there is a certain dopamine release I’m not getting and it’s been hard this past month adjusting.
Yup. I’m with you, man. I know I’ll catch hell from what I’ve read around, but I’m still hanging onto my Reddit account until the site literally crashes and burns. I was on there since 2006. I really only check it for a handful of things now. Kinda saw the demise several years ago.
I gave u an updoot, hope it helps
Computers! I love to build PCs, Servers, Software and other stuff. I often loose track of time and waste whole days on solving issues. Need go turn it down a notch. Have a good day everyone. :)
My cheating boyfriend. I should dump his ass but i keep going back. It’s just like some kind of terrible drug addiction, where i keep sabotaging my life and giving endless resources down a black hole at the expense of everything else, especially myself; my friends are at a loss and growing tired of the cycles of nonsense. It’s killing my self respect and self esteem
I’m genuinely curious why you haven’t dumped him.
Couple of good reasons.
The sex is really good and enjoyable, and plentiful. I have a high sex drive and it’s been a struggle to find someone who’s a god match for both the rather extreme amount and style that I’ve always wished for. (Could be part of the addiction?)
The really big one is that I’ve been going through cancer all year. And he ran toward me, not away. He nursed me after surgery so tenderly, kindly, lovingly. I’ve never in my life known anything like it. He knows all the bullshit and details about the whole experience. We have gone through it all together. I was helpless for a chunk of it, terrifying to someone like me who couldn’t ask for help. I have never in my life felt so safe and cared for. Oddly enough he says he looks forward to caring for me like that again after the next surgery. It’s stunning.
I suppose it’s bought my undying loyalty. I only wish it went both ways.
Also, I’m basically a deeply lonely person. I had a cold, cruel family of origin, pretty extreme combo of neglect and emotional abuse. I’ve made poor choices in my life romantically, always choosing selfish people and trying to ignore my own needs too, which I’m very good at. This guy is selfish, but also loves to care for me quite selflessly. It’s bewildering and humbling and welcome like rain in the desert.
I wasn’t expecting this kind of reply, you are in a more shitty position than I initially thought.
I know this doesn’t help but I don’t know what to say to you.
You should seek for the best mental health you can get to deal with your current condition.
It is quite confusing for me why would he do that to you if he is a good support for you as well, maybe he needs mental support more lol.
I’m not trying to be harsh, hope you get these things sorted out!
You write good.
Not sure if you watch ‘It’s Always Sunny’, but it sounds a lot like he’s using the D.E.N.N.I.S system on you.
D- Demonstrate Value
E- Engage Physically
N- Nurture Dependence
N- Neglect Emotionally
I- Inspire Hope
S- Separate Entirely
Seems like he’s bouncing around between the Ns and I. You come across as intelligent and like you have a really good eye on how you think / feel, so you probably know full well what I’m about to say… but all the love and care doesn’t mean much if he’s fucking other people behind your back. Does he know that you know? Have you had any serious conversations about it?
Hey, just wanted to check in, and let you know that what you said really affected me, and helped me to finally end the relationship.
We had had many open discussions about his many betrayals; we were even doing weekly couples therapy, and he had begun individual therapy. He would do and say the right things each time, for a minute anyway, and out of desperation, loneliness, fearfulness in the face of illness, I would take him back.
Except it never lasted, and every time, every fucking time, it turned out to be lies. The kicker was that as I grew increasingly angry and resentful, and began showing it and standing up to him, the love-bombing evaporated and he turned nasty. The last few weeks were a whirlwind of crazy making and gaslighting, descending into blatant character assassination.
He took to trashing every tender memory, all the sacred moments when he had cared for me, all that had kept me bonded. He now went on and on about how I had just been taking advantage of him, I was selfish, I was greedy.
The truth is, I’m a person with perilously low self esteem, who tries to disappear and constantly gives too much; it is a struggle for me to ask for or accept help. But he called me “a professional victim” and “a whiner.” He knew just how to cut me to the core.
The closer I got to ending it, the deeper he stabbed. And yet- he really seemed to think we had a future together.
In the end, his sickness was blindingly clear, even to my blinkered eyes. He was flashing from sweetness to contemptuous rage at a moment’s notice- I was walking on eggshells and living in a state of high anxiety.
Thank God I’d been working on my social network, been forced to with the crisis of cancer. I started telling people what was going on. I had a couple of friends now, a therapist. On a whim I spoke the truth here.
And everyone said: Go, get out, save yourself.
It’s taken me many tries, but I did it. He’s blocked on everything, and I’m getting through each day with the conscious knowledge that I’m quitting a dangerous addiction. Lots of distraction, much reaching out for help and support. I spend time each day reminding myself of the horror. Still sometimes I miss him so terribly. Thank God my head is still ringing with so many horrible things he said.
I feel like I’m going to make it. Thank you, kind stranger, for your piece in showing me the way out.
Hey! Thanks so much for sharing this update. I’m really sorry to hear that it went so badly towards the end, that all our internet-stranger suspicions were correct, and that things escalated so badly. My sister is going through something similar with her ex, she kept his worst behaviour hidden from us during their relationship… now they have a 3-yr old daughter, split up about 9 months ago and his behaviour has been shocking… violent threats, harassment, culminating in him knocking my dads tooth out (while my dad was holding his daughter) a few weeks ago. Like you my dad has cancer and had started radiotherapy that day, wtf. Who punches a pensioner with cancer who’s holding a toddler?!
I think people like you, my dad and I desperately want to see the best in everyone but as I said to my dad… life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, there are very nasty people lurking amongst us, and often the only way to get them to move on is to stand up to them or actively separate.
Whenever you feel a bit weak or lonely, feeling your resolve softening, please remind yourself of these last few weeks in particular. And I know I’m just an internet stranger, but you are always welcome to drop me (and I’m sure all the other people who gave you feedback) a message if you want to talk, vent or seek advice.
Sorry you have to go through that :(
Thank you. It’s my choice, I know, but I feel weirdly helpless about it.
My phone. I really need to work on not holding it at all times and opening the screen, looking for notifications, and closing it again every 30 seconds.
Sugar
Nicotine
Oof. So sorry, bud. She’s such a cruel mistress, ain’t she?
I quit real cigarettes like a decade ago by using vapes
I quit vapes about 7 years ago by using nicotine gum
I’ve gotten down to 2mg gum, the lowest they make, but just can’t stop that. At least nicotine by itself isn’t that harmful.
Nicotine itself is still pretty harmful, but I don’t see you getting any real negative side effects from 2mg gum though
I didn’t see your response before posting my own, but same, bud. I’m in the process of quitting again and it hasn’t been easy.
Best of luck! One of these times it’ll stick, and until it does every attempt is worth it anyway.
As ridiculous as this sounds, spending time with my dogs. I didn’t grow up with dogs, but got my first as an adult, and it’s been a revelation. When I want to go run an errand, go out to eat, go take a walk, whatever…they’re always up for it. The best part though is that when I’m done, they’re happy to follow me in being done too. Outings last exactly as long as I want, they’re always silly and fun, and when I get home I have a tired cuddle buddy for a nap.
I have a very healthy social life with friends I see every week, a husband, and family I love…but spending time with my dogs just scratches an itch I didn’t know I had. They’re just the least complicated and demanding relationships in my life, and I really value that. Taking my golden out for pancakes and a trip to the park on a Saturday morning is one of my greatest joys in life. It’s simple stress-free joy, and if life gets busy and interferes with my dog time I’m just cranky and unhappy.
Awww, this is adorable. They clearly think of you as the pack leader since they are so obedient! I’m in the opposite boat. I haven’t had dog since I was a kid and have never been in the position to have one as an adult.
Sugar and caffeine. I am always tired, I’ve gone 20 years in a constant state of tired. If I sit still for an hour I start to fall asleep. The constant sugar and caffeine intake probably dont help…
I know that you know this yourself. And I know that I am in no position to tell you what to do.
But dude, fix that. You are hurting yourself and you could feel so much better.
Literally? Coffee.
Skyrim
I’d love to warp back in time to when it first came out, and sink in dozens of hours on my first playthrough all over again.
That’s the beauty of patient gaming. You get the game for peanuts, with the nastiest bugs patched, with all the DLC, community mods and other trimmings, and it now runs beautifully on an average laptop.
Nicotine. 25 days without and I keep dreaming about smoking. I’ve quit for longer before and the cravings never seem to go away.
I think I remember reading that it takes months to get out of your system and also for your brain to close that connection. Stopped in 2020 to vaping and it worked. Was hard the first few months but then it became the new me.
I went from cigs to vaping, quit in March of 2022. I still get cravings
Free and open source software
A spoon of Nutella in my coffee.
Sitting with my thoughts and processing my feelings.
I used to find it incredibly scary, but I look forward to meditation and sitting with myself.
Discovering why I react to and which traumas from my past has been an addicting and enlightening experience!
It’s nice from to time. I mean, I can do it. But I strongly prefer not to. More often than not I am reading something.
Screens, realistically. I know that it’s a “soft” addiction and nowhere near as serious as a substance, but going even five minutes without pulling at my phone, using a computer, or watching a TV starts tugging at my brain. That’s something you develop as a kid and I don’t see myself fixing it unless I totally “detox.”
