lhenlo!
  • Communities
  • Create Post
  • Create Community
  • heart
    Support Lemmy
  • search
    Search
  • Login
  • Sign Up
no banana@lemmy.world to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 2 个月前

Avocado

lemmy.world

message-square
158
link
fedilink
449

Avocado

lemmy.world

no banana@lemmy.world to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 2 个月前
message-square
158
link
fedilink
alert-triangle
You must log in or register to comment.
  • moonlight6205@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    142
    ·
    2 个月前

    Does this mean I have never tasted a clean penis?

    • no banana@lemmy.worldOP
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      208
      ·
      2 个月前

      I wouldn’t know, I’ve never tasted an avocado

      • RedditAdminsSuckIt@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        98
        arrow-down
        3
        ·
        2 个月前

  • enbiousenvy@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    113
    arrow-down
    2
    ·
    2 个月前

    that looks like the ancient mouse that uses ball for cursor movement.

    • no banana@lemmy.worldOP
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      73
      ·
      2 个月前

      Cursed ball mouse that tastes like clean penis

      • ch00f@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        15
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        2 个月前

        cleanpenis.fart

    • AtariDump@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      47
      ·
      2 个月前

    • Tailz (she/her)@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      13
      ·
      2 个月前

      That’s the first thing that came to mind when I saw this. Those mice were a pain. I had to take the ball out from the socket and get rid of dust and debris so many times so it would work normally

      • nomy@lemmy.zip
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        8
        ·
        2 个月前

        It was so disgusting digging all the gunk out with a toothpick, cotton swabs, and alcohol.

        Optical mice were such a huge improvement everyone I knew (except the weird trackball guy) switched as soon as they became available and never looked back.

        • SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          6
          ·
          2 个月前

          The first optical mice absolutely sucked compared to trackballs.

          Fortunately, that period did not last long.

          • ddh@lemmy.sdf.org
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            2
            ·
            edit-2
            2 个月前

            First optical mouse I used was interning at a university engineering department in 1993. It had a special metal mousepad with a grid on it, and it worked pretty well as I recall.

            TIL it was a Kirsch design, one of the first, from 1980.

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optical_mouse#/media/File:Old_optical_mouse.jpeg

            • SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world
              link
              fedilink
              arrow-up
              1
              ·
              2 个月前

              Nice. I was referring to the consumer-level products that didn’t require a special pad, though.

    • SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      10
      ·
      2 个月前

      It’s vintage, thank you

    • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      6
      ·
      2 个月前

      They first tried using avocado pits, but those are a little too uneven, so they went with cooked egg yolks instead.

  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 @pawb.social
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    101
    ·
    edit-2
    2 个月前

    Um excuse me?

    I eat avocado and clean penis all the time and have never found them to be anywhere remotely close to the same flavor.

    I’d eat more avocado if that was true.

    • ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      45
      arrow-down
      2
      ·
      2 个月前

      We’re trying to promote hygiene here

      • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 @pawb.social
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        31
        ·
        2 个月前

        Well they don’t taste like dirty penis either.

        • A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          17
          ·
          2 个月前

          not as chewy, either.

          • Kalcifer@sh.itjust.works
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            7
            ·
            2 个月前

            what a day to have eyes

        • MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          2 个月前

          This is gold. Thank you.

    • Etterra@discuss.online
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      23
      ·
      2 个月前

      It’s probably just a joke to piss off conservatives. If correct, it works be a worthy cause.

      • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        13
        ·
        2 个月前

        Is conservatives into avocado? I was led to believe woke millennials who suffer from bad financial decisions eat avocado toast.

        • Etterra@discuss.online
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          2 个月前

          They need them for guacamole. Can’t have game night without snacks, after all.

      • SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        3
        ·
        2 个月前

        Did you know light beer tastes like cum?

        • Allemaniac@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          4
          ·
          2 个月前

          maybe it’s because american light beer is just really close to fucking water.

        • SynopsisTantilize@lemm.ee
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          2
          ·
          2 个月前

          Can confirm. Cum tastes exactly like Michelob Ultra.

          • acockworkorange@mander.xyz
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            1
            ·
            2 个月前

            Ew. No wonder my wife wants nothing to do with it.

        • Etterra@discuss.online
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          2 个月前

          It smells like piss so I don’t imagine you’re right.

    • Lka1988@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      6
      ·
      edit-2
      2 个月前

      I eat avocado and clean penis all the time and have never found them to be anywhere remotely close to the same flavor.

      I showed this meme to my wife, she agrees with you

      • Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        2 个月前

        Her boyfriend’s penis must be clean.

        • Lka1988@lemmy.dbzer0.com
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          4
          ·
          2 个月前

          Last I checked mine was cleaner, and I won the swordfight

    • Beero@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      3
      ·
      edit-2
      2 个月前

      Have you ever microwaved a brick of Brie for crackers…smells…pungent. Reminiscent of post-coitus, LoL, great for date night

  • db0@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    97
    ·
    2 个月前

    I just asked my wife and she made the face. This is apparently, correct 😂😬😂

    • Log in | Sign up@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      21
      ·
      2 个月前

      Thank you for answering the big questions for us all.

    • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      12
      ·
      2 个月前

      Don’t trust her.

      Only one way to know the truth.

      🍆

    • Delphia@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      2 个月前

      I asked my wife if she wanted breakfast in bed… she did not like what was in her toast.

  • LanguageIsCool@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    72
    ·
    2 个月前

    Some people here have never sucked a dick and it shows

    • flandish@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      42
      ·
      2 个月前

      some of us were just too young to remember the taste. thankfully

      • General_Effort@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        15
        ·
        2 个月前

        Oof.

      • SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        4
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        2 个月前

        Altar boy?

        • flandish@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          2
          ·
          2 个月前

          what? no. just my best friend’s older brother who happened to be a sexual predator.

      • grrgyle@slrpnk.net
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        2 个月前

        I’m sorry to hear that. I hope it’s beautiful and sunny wherever you are and that you’re doing well.

    • Carl@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      4
      ·
      2 个月前

      Your the expert, tell us.

      • Branch_Ranch@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        19
        ·
        2 个月前
        • you + are = you’re
        • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          4
          ·
          2 个月前

          No.

          My the expert.

        • Carl@sh.itjust.works
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          2 个月前

          I guess you’re* the expert.

    • last_philosopher@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      4
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      2 个月前

      I’d imagine lemmy has among the lowest has-sucked-dick ratios of any potentially mixed-gender community.

      • Valmond@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        8
        ·
        2 个月前

        Why? We’re a bunch of old wannabe rebels (among other) eager to try out new stuff, surely sucking a dick was something easy to try out in our youth, and then lots of us are trans, gay, transbians and so on.

        • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          4
          ·
          2 个月前

          ☺️ 🏳️‍🌈👋 Happy pride!

      • grrgyle@slrpnk.net
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        2 个月前

        Never been more disappointed in us. 😞

  • inthearizonasun@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    69
    ·
    2 个月前

    mmm cockamole

    • Dozzi92@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      23
      ·
      2 个月前

      Goes great on your faceadilla.

      • inthearizonasun@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        7
        ·
        2 个月前

        With crema

    • ChillCapybara@discuss.tchncs.de
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      9
      ·
      2 个月前

      Well done. And welcome to Lemmy.

      • inthearizonasun@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        3
        ·
        2 个月前

        Thank you

    • Phil_in_here@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      9
      ·
      2 个月前

      I think you should consult a dermatologist.

    • Etterra@discuss.online
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      9
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      2 个月前

      I hate you, take my up vote.

    • grrgyle@slrpnk.net
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      2 个月前

      You are an asset to the team. Welcome.

  • MNByChoice@midwest.social
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    57
    ·
    2 个月前

    “Clean penis”? Only after washing with avocado scented body wash.

    • dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      28
      ·
      2 个月前

      The only way to properly clean a penis is with guacamole and some elbow grease.

      • bstix@feddit.dk
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        2 个月前

        Also, WD-40 is not a lubricant.

        • FourWaveforms@lemm.ee
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          2 个月前

          wdym

          • dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            7
            ·
            2 个月前

            Strictly speaking, WD-40 is for water displacement. It is also not patented because they don’t want to give away the recipe.

            Though, I think the other guy might have meant “lubricant” in the context of sex.

  • hefejefe@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    39
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    2 个月前

    How do I unsee an image

    • DUMBASS@leminal.space
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      68
      arrow-down
      3
      ·
      2 个月前

      • ummthatguy@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        33
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        2 个月前

        The “Phineas Gage Special” is not 100% effective.

    • proti@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      30
      arrow-down
      2
      ·
      2 个月前

      this but in reverse
      brain no mor

      • gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        23
        ·
        2 个月前

        Goodness me that is unsettling

        • FippleStone@aussie.zone
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          15
          ·
          2 个月前

          Anime ain’t right

      • Naughty_not_bad@lemmynsfw.com
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        2 个月前

        What’s the name of the show? Looks familiar

        • proti@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          5
          ·
          2 个月前

          It’s Kiss-Shot Acerola-Orion Heart-Under-Blade from Kizumonogatari, but you probably know her by the name Shinobu

          • Naughty_not_bad@lemmynsfw.com
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            2
            ·
            2 个月前

            Thank you!

    • no banana@lemmy.worldOP
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      2 个月前

      Some sort of eye surgery

      • neons@lemmy.dbzer0.com
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        7
        ·
        2 个月前

        That doesn’t help, it’s already in memory.

        Obviously the answer is suicide.

        • no banana@lemmy.worldOP
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          13
          ·
          2 个月前

          Some sort of existence surgery

    • FelixCress@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      2 个月前

      Why do you want to unsee it, don’t you like avocados?

  • ILikeTraaaains@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    35
    ·
    edit-2
    2 个月前

    Tasted both, I don’t like avocado, dicks on the other hand….

    • MacStache@sopuli.xyz
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      17
      ·
      2 个月前

      So… Avocado in one and a dick in the other…?

    • Deathray5@lemmynsfw.com
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      8
      ·
      2 个月前

      Few, I don’t like avocados and was worried

    • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      7
      ·
      2 个月前

      So avocado doesn’t taste like clean dingaling?

      Please answer Im about to get some guacamole and I’m insecure in my sexuality.

      • I Cast Fist@programming.dev
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        12
        ·
        2 个月前

        Just say “no homo” and you’re good. Avoid the nut, because that’s super gay bro

        • ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          4
          ·
          edit-2
          2 个月前

          Thank you so much. I shouted no homo as I added quac to my long veiny burrito, and two-handed it into my mouth. I think I’m okay now.

  • Dorkyd68@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    32
    ·
    2 个月前

    Does a clean penis taste different than clean skin??

    • TrueStoryBob@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      94
      ·
      2 个月前

      Skin on different parts of the body tastes different. It also depends on how it’s cooked.

      • Alaik@lemmy.zip
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        29
        ·
        2 个月前

        God damn dude.

      • 0ops@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        23
        ·
        2 个月前

        *closes legs

      • inthearizonasun@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        12
        ·
        2 个月前

        damn

      • Dorkyd68@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        9
        ·
        2 个月前

        I think I’d prefer reverse seared penis but idk

        • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          4
          ·
          2 个月前

          Like a pp corndog

      • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        4
        ·
        2 个月前

        Fucking hell

      • Not_Dav3@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        3
        ·
        2 个月前

    • LanguageIsCool@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      20
      ·
      2 个月前

      Why ask when you can find out?

      • Dorkyd68@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        7
        ·
        2 个月前

        I mean if your willing to donate your penis to me in the name of science then im game 😉😘

  • Pasta Dental@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    27
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    2 个月前

    that’s untrue

    • no banana@lemmy.worldOP
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      33
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      2 个月前

      Sure, but it wouldn’t be as funny if it said “doesn’t taste like clean penis”

      • Sonor@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        44
        ·
        2 个月前

        “Scientists discover avocado does not in fact taste like clean penis”

        It would get a few clicks i reckon

        • Lycist@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          6
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          2 个月前

          Only if extensive testing material was available to view.

          • Sonor@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            6
            ·
            2 个月前

            For that we will need volunteers and taste tasters as well

            • Feathercrown@lemmy.world
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              2
              ·
              2 个月前

              What about the durability test

        • no banana@lemmy.worldOP
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          4
          ·
          2 个月前

          Sure, but would it be as funny?

  • grrgyle@slrpnk.net
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    22
    ·
    2 个月前

    I’ve sampled enough to say confidently that this is false.

    • Bonskreeskreeskree@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      12
      ·
      2 个月前

      Clean penises or avocado?

      • grrgyle@slrpnk.net
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        20
        ·
        2 个月前

        Inclusive yes.

        • MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          7
          ·
          2 个月前

          Fair enough. This one is debunked.

          Let’s move along people, nothing to see here.

  • gmtom@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    21
    ·
    2 个月前

    I mean, sure in the sense they dint really taste like much.

  • Fargeol@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    19
    ·
    2 个月前

    Please don’t do a blinded experiment

    • FelixCress@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      27
      ·
      2 个月前

      Please DO one. Taste only, no biting.

      • moonlight6205@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        6
        ·
        2 个月前

        I’d volunteer for that

        • Eager Eagle@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          2 个月前

          as a sommelier or as an avocado?

          • moonlight6205@lemm.ee
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            1
            ·
            2 个月前

            Both

    • [R3D4CT3D]@midwest.social
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      14
      ·
      2 个月前

      wait, so a “glory hole” is a tool for science? TIL!

      • tourist@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        16
        ·
        2 个月前

        I imagine that’s not the best place to find a sample of clean penises

      • Outsider9042@lemmynsfw.com
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        2 个月前

        Just don’t forget to bring your nachos

  • Blackmist@feddit.uk
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    17
    ·
    2 个月前

    Hey, who’s been using my avocado scented soap?

Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world

lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

Subscribe from Remote Instance

Create a post
You are not logged in. However you can subscribe from another Fediverse account, for example Lemmy or Mastodon. To do this, paste the following into the search field of your instance: !lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful

Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

…


2. No Illegal Content

Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

…


3. No Spam

Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

…


4. No Porn/Explicit

Content


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

…


5. No Enciting Harassment,

Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

…


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

…

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

Visibility: Public
globe

This community can be federated to other instances and be posted/commented in by their users.

  • 5.24K users / day
  • 9.2K users / week
  • 15.8K users / month
  • 33.7K users / 6 months
  • 1 local subscriber
  • 33.4K subscribers
  • 17.4K Posts
  • 407K Comments
  • Modlog
  • mods:
  • Aer@lemmy.world
  • Striker@lemmy.world
  • WiildFiire@lemmy.world
  • Decoy321@lemmy.world
  • Thekingoflorda@lemmy.world
  • YoBuckStopsHere@lemmy.world
  • The Picard Maneuver@startrek.website
  • Flying Squid@lemmy.world
  • The Picard Maneuver@lemmy.world
  • BE: 0.19.11
  • Modlog
  • Instances
  • Docs
  • Code
  • join-lemmy.org